In a twinkling of an eye

I can remember it as if it were yesterday, falling in love for the first time with someone who really liked you. I was in elementary school & she was in the same class. I can't remember the exact date but let's say in the mid 50's. It had to be the 50's because Ike was on the campaign trail with Nixon I believe.

We met as school mates in a classroom situation. I had my friends and she had hers. But the class as a whole was balanced and we all got along together just fine. We were a solid group with different ethnic backgrounds and life styles. It was at the time in a young man's life that 'major' changes began to take place outside of sports & showing off. It was 'GIRLS.' We'd go to great lengths to impress the young ladies. It was then that out of the group of girls I knew only one stood out and that was Janet. She had a mannerism about her that flowed like silk draperies riding on a gentle breeze. She did emotional things to me that I never knew existed. Words got caught up in my throat. I would panic when we would bump into each other, get nervous when sitting near her in the auditorium; but most of all she'd always smile that hidden girlish smile I'd look for from her.

We started talking on a regular basis after the breaking of the ice, as they say. But along the way, almost immediately, our so-called friends began talking and poking fun at us as if something was wrong with our being just friends. First, I went through hell and high water with my close friends, my buddies. That was murder in the first degree. Then came my younger sister and her mouthy friends. I could not imagine if Janet was going through the same thing with her friends, not knowing how Jewish people thought or felt about Negroes -- that's what we were called back then. But we had made up our minds that with a 'sticks and stones may break our bones but names will never hurt me' attitude that it would all past in time, which it did. From that point on I'd walk her home which was a block up from where I lived. I could see the apartment she lived in from there too. Most of the time we just talked and laughed along the way everyday if possible.

Sometimes we'd break off at the corner so she would walk the next block home by herself. Then one day I'd walk her to the front of the apartment, say goodbye & walk the long way home causing eyes to follow us. We were just two young people exploring a part of life we knew nothing about, at least from our viewpoint. Sometime after that we made a date. It was nothing more than holding hands and a walk to a grassy knoll in front of the high school. I laid out my jacket for her to sit on & we talked & laughed until she had to go home. But before doing so I told her that I believed I was in love with her & we kissed gently not knowing if we were doing it right or not. A few weeks after that she invited me to her home.

I waited outside until she came back downstairs. Talk about being nervous. She just giggled at me. I was coming apart inside. I walked in, was introduced to her parents and did my best to hold a manly conversation with her father who was reading the paper & smoking a pipe. In the apartment they had a piano which I found myself behind. I tinkered with keys and was about to slide away when her mother said, "Would you favor us with a tune?" I was just about to say "Huh...favor you with a what?" but I caught myself with a partially open mouth and said, "I wish I could but I had stopped taking piano lessons a year ago." God, I wished I could've ripped off a piece by Mozart then, just to impress them & have their neighbors call up asking, "Who's playing the piano? Such beautiful music I never heard". Sometime after that I told her that I had to go home. I said my goodbyes and left.

It was after that that I saw change in her that I'll never forget. The closeness we once shared started to come apart. The walking her home became infrequent as did the carrying of her books. She couldn't tell me exactly, but when I saw the look on her face I knew something was wrong. I just came out & told her as best as I could. It hurt both of us deeply. This was our first taste of what the world was about and how people felt underneath it all. And with our young hearts being broken into pieces, we let go of a love we'd never ever experience again. Not this way with a person as special as we were to each other. It only happens once when you're young, and when it does it sets an emotional mold/pattern/balance for all to follow. At least I can say that I will never forget her wherever she may be. And whenever I'm in the old neighborhood, which has since been run down over the years, I still stop, look at that apartment building and remember it all in a twinkling of an eye.